In 2015, I set myself the task of painting my own face. every day, for a whole year. It was torment. Not only was it a tough time in my life, but it also meant looking at myself every day – something I usually avoid at all costs.
When that year ended, I felt things were unfinished. I still wasn’t happy, I still hadn’t found peace. I initially committed to finding something to be grateful for every day. But it was hard. Maybe it was too much of a leap from misery to daily gratitude. Or maybe it’s just that gratitude is so far from my default position that I couldn’t get into the swing of it. I floundered. I tried but I couldn’t always see past the sadness, or I was too busy and I forgot. Or anything I had to say sounded twee and annoying even to myself.
So now I’m ready to take a new tack.
There is one thing that always calms me down, always distracts my mind from its endless negative rumination. One thing I can count on to always be a friend …. Art. Specifically making art. Making good art, making bad art, drawing or painting, pencil, charcoal, pastel, watercolour, ink – it doesn’t even matter. As long as I am communicating in that way, I am calm.
I have been stuck for a long time, trying to find happiness in people and situations where it can never reside. Happiness, I truly believe, can only come from within and it is time for me to find mine. The first step in that quest is to draw or paint or collage as much as possible. I am not committing to one drawing a day – I may need weeks to finish a piece or I may do a quick sketch. I don’t know yet how that will evolve.
I’m reviving this blog as a way to track my journey and share what I create – the good, the bad and the ugly. I don’t know if anyone else will be interested and it’s fine either way. This is my journey.