I much prefer the few days’ holiday around new year to the few days around Christmas. Instead of frenzied preparations, there is peace, calm, a sense that things are returning to normal. And in this peace, there is time to reflect.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’ve learned over the past year. I want to define the ways in which this project has changed me. I was to pinpoint the things I will be taking with me into the new year.
I think the biggest change is the way I view my own mind – and the way this influences the way I view the world. Time and again during this most difficult of years, I have been reminded that my thoughts are not reality. Time and again, having stressed or cried or rejoiced about something I perceived, I have been faced with the reality and forced to see that I have everything skewed.
It happened again today, when a casual comment laid bare the reality of a situation that I had seen in a completely different way. My perception had made me miserable. The view I saw through someone else’s eyes was both surprising and instantly familiar. Familiar because it matched other evidence that was in front of my eyes, but that I had stared past blindly, wrapped up entirely in my own warped view.
I have come to see that my mind is like the hall of mirrors at a funfair. But instead of laughing at the distortions, I have been letting them dictate my state of mind.
Through therapy, I understand where the distortions come from. This next year, I hope to learn how to move past them and on to the life I know I am capable of living.