So here it is. December 1st. I’ve been writing this blog and drawing/paintings selfies for 11 months. I can’t believe I’ve managed it. I will be so happy when it’s over!
But even though it has been hard, it has definitely been worth it.
I’m beginning to see just how tough I’ve been on myself. I don’t just mean that I tell myself negative things … I mean that for many, many years, I have seen myself as unimportant …. less than unimportant… I have seen myself as worthless when compared to other people. So I have adapted myself to fit. “I am worth less than him/her,” the unspoken logic goes, “so I must fit in with his/her preferences.”
But finally I get it. I am NOT worth less. Just because people hurt me in the past, that doesn’t mean I am not worthwhile. And therefore, I don’t need to shrink myself down or twist myself into a pretzel to fit what other people want (or what I think other people want). I can be myself.
That scares the shit out of me. Because that means I can’t be anyone’s victim. That means it’s all up to me.