I had a very powerful therapy session this morning. We talked about stuff from my childhood and how it has carried forward to this day and into my current struggles. I got a new perspective that I can take into the future.
I have been realizing recently just how much I focus on what others are thinking and feeling and wanting, and how little emphasis I place on what I am thinking and feeling and wanting. I now have a better understanding of why that is.
My work this year – this project, therapy, the books I have been reading, yoga etc. – has all led me to focus more on myself … to put myself at the center of my story instead of somewhere on the periphery.
Funnily enough, I’m always at the center of anything negative (“he must be avoiding me”… “she must not like me” … “he only said that because he had to” … “they must think I’m so foolish” … etc. etc.). It’s the positive stuff I can’t accept. I never see myself as likeable, interesting, attractive, or worth knowing.
I think that shows in a lot of my portraits.