That was the one-word prompt that just appeared in my WordPress feed when I logged on to write this post. It seems apt, since today’s drawing was done part-blind (just a few glances) and you can see where I made a mistake, getting the line of the chin completely wrong the first time.
But it’s also an apt word in general right now. I feel I have made so many mistakes and all of them have led me here, to a place that currently feels bleak and without hope.
There’s a Bruce Springsteen song called “One Step Up and Two Steps Back” and that’s how I feel these days. If you’ve been reading for a while (thank you!) you’ll know that just a few weeks ago, I felt I was making progress. Thinks looked brighter. I had found coping mechanisms that were helping.
But now I’m back in a dark place. Nothing I do seems to help and some of it makes things worse. I am trying hard not to beat myself up for all those mistakes – I know that will only make things worse – but it’s a challenge sometimes.