I spent some time today facing some facts, getting clarity.
I work so hard at deceiving myself. It works some of the time. The problem comes when life forces me to face reality. When that happens, the clash is intensely painful. And that’s where this continuous pain comes from. Me being forced to face the reality that I am working so hard to deny.
I deny it because the pain of accepting it seems overwhelming. But can it be any worse than this constant drip-drip-drip?
I know that I need to treat myself better and that means going through the pain rather than trying to avoid it. Today I wrote down the facts and read and re-read them. Then I took my new dog Riley for a walk and cried some. He didn’t mind because he was trying to find rabbits, which quite honestly seems like an infinitely better use of time.
I used only line for today’s drawing, to represent the clarity I feel I am starting to achieve.
I really like this one.