I have been drawing/painting myself every day for 178 days. That’s exactly halfway through the year.
I’m not sure I thought I would get this far.
I don’t just mean that I didn’t expect to manage 178 selfies (although I didn’t think I would). But I also didn’t think I would manage to start finding my way out of the depression and anxiety that was weighing me down at the start of the year.
I knew I didn’t want to take medication. Not that I think there is anything wrong with medication – I just knew it wasn’t right for me. Because I knew that, if I could unravel the causes of my unhappiness, I could start to sort myself out. And I knew that, for me, pills would just be a way of hiding from the things I needed to deal with.
I’m not done with my journey. I feel sure things will get harder again. But I do feel I have made major progress and my load feels lighter as a result. I’m kinder to myself than I was in January. I understand myself more than I did in January. And I like myself more than I did in January.
I couldn’t have said this even a month ago, but I can say it now: I’m excited to see where I am by the time we get to December.
This is 178 in a 365-day series of self portraits. If you’re a glutton for punishment, you can see the others here.