The Halfway Mark

I have been drawing/painting myself every day for 178 days. That’s exactly halfway through the year.

I’m not sure I thought I would get this far.

I don’t just mean that I didn’t expect to manage 178 selfies (although I didn’t think I would). But I also didn’t think I would manage to start finding my way out of the depression and anxiety that was weighing me down at the start of the year.

I knew I didn’t want to take medication. Not that I think there is anything wrong with medication – I just knew it wasn’t right for me. Because I knew that, if I could unravel the causes of my unhappiness, I could start to sort myself out. And I knew that, for me, pills would just be a way of hiding from the things I needed to deal with.

I’m not done with my journey. I feel sure things will get harder again. But I do feel I have made major progress and my load feels lighter as a result. I’m kinder to myself than I was in January. I understand myself more than I did in January. And I like myself more than I did in January.

I couldn’t have said this even a month ago, but I can say it now: I’m excited to see where I am by the time we get to December.

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This is 178 in a 365-day series of self portraits. If you’re a glutton for punishment, you can see the others here.

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3 thoughts on “The Halfway Mark

  1. JulieS

    Louise! I find myself relating to your posts more and more each time I read something you write. I’m very thankful for your openness. That takes a brave soul. And I have had to also admit how much I have NEEDED your words and insight. Thank you. thank you!

    Like

    Reply

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