I didn’t want to see Mandy today.
Having felt bad for the last few days, I felt as though I was somehow flunking a test. Like there’s a ‘getting better’ process that you’re supposed to move through, step by step, without ever slipping backwards.
And because I hadn’t done that, I didn’t want to go. But I’m so glad I did.
Mandy is my therapist, and she sometimes gets this look when I’m talking, like she’s thinking “Huh? Say what??”
I love that look. Because I know it means this distressing thought or idea that I was SO sure of, and that I thought everyone would see my way, is actually a little bit odd. And I don’t mind that, because if it’s odd, that means I can discount it and work to see things a different way.
And sure enough, the rest of the day worked to show me that I often have a skewed perspective when it comes to things that affect me. I’ve always been a very intuitive and empathic person. I can generally understand others’ feelings – even sometimes before they can – and people have always trusted me for advice for this reason.
But what I hadn’t realized until recently is that, if I am emotionally involved, everything is skewed. Those trustworthy perceptions and perspectives are not trustworthy at all. They are more like the reflections in a hall of mirrors.
So I went into my appointment with red eyes and shaky self-confidence, but came out feeling calm and centered. If only she could move in with me 🙂