I started seeing a counsellor and today we talked about authenticity. Or rather, about how I don’t respond honestly to events and people. I suppose I don’t do it because I’m afraid that the real me will be somehow not good enough, although it’s not a conscious, thought-through decision. It’s just what happens, how I react.
She has challenged me to try responding honestly and just see what happens. Tonight, I did it. Not about anything particularly important. I had the opportunity to try something that I really wanted to try, but it meant stepping up in front of other people, and the little voice in my head was saying not to do it. Whispering that it would be better to lay low and not make a show of myself. But, having had that conversation this morning, I stepped up and did it anyway.
Two things happened:
a) No-one cared because they were all busy with their own stuff
b) I learned a new skill and discovered something I’d like to explore further.
I’ve said it before, but I see parallels with these blind drawings. My line is so much more authentic and interesting when I’m not editing as I go. And I have a feeling that my life will be too.