I’m not sure any of my selfies so far have looked like me … and I’m not about to break that streak today.
This is me in an alternate life. A life where I perhaps released an iconic punk album at the age of 18, then descended into vice and addiction, before cleaning up in my late forties and publishing a highly-acclaimed novel, becoming a radio 6 DJ, co-presenting a TV music show with Jools Holland, and receiving a Pulitzer prize for my harrowing account of my struggles with anorexia.
Seriously, I have no idea where this came from. I’ve been feeling quite good this last few days – or so I thought. Yesterday I was all “hey look at me, I’m in red and in charge!” and then today I am tragic and emaciated.
But I’ve decided there’s no editing on this journey, no air-brushing.
I’m not going to skip bad drawings, or hide images like this just because they don’t fit my internal narrative.
Because I’ve come to believe that there are no mistakes. Just things we don’t yet understand. So no, this doesn’t look like a photograph. If you saw me in the street, you wouldn’t recognize me from this drawing. But I’m not doing this to create lots of photorealistic pictures of myself. I have a camera for that, should the need ever arise.
No, I am doing this a) to get to know myself – something I have neglected for over 50 years – and b) to hopefully create interesting art. I feel I have achieved the latter with this (it is interesting) and maybe it’s a step on the road to the former. Who knows… but I’m looking forward to finding out.